“You are my only son.” That’s not true. Yet she says it with the utmost confidence. I am her essence and composition of everything she believes in. Yet I manifest in her nightmares of what I could possibly become. She emphasizes education over and over again and I contemplate deferring another semester. College is a thick web of stress that weaves in and out of my life, leaving me a small return for what is a big journey for me.
The checkbook and credit card is out on the table. She doesn’t want to hear anymore of this “debt nonsense.” I’ll pay my phone bill, the overdue college payment, the next monthly installment, and go off to college like a good child, got it?
I recall my best friend telling me at work the other day how her mom has already predicted the future. I am to be rich beyond my wildest dreams and will have amassed a fortune to take care of all my dearest companions and family members. This expectation created by the idea that I am intelligent and that I will create some good use out of this brain.
The pressure is on now. The expectations are already set, the bar is way higher than I imagined. And I must live up to it all for I have emotionally invested in people’s belief in my own success. If I can’t crash the barrier beyond their own expectations, I can’t satisfy everyone’s desire from me. After all, I’m here to bring happiness to others. I just hope that this effort will yield in my own happiness.
Because I am her one and only son. Even though that is a lie. “Nonsense, the world can be in the palm of your hand. All you have to do is seek it.”
Oh yeah, that’s all I have to do…